MEMO TO MEN: I'm not that innocent

TO: Men all over the planet
FROM: Melissa
RE: My wild, wild, wild side
DATE: January 11, 2012
By now, boys, I'm sure you think you know everything there is to know about me. In fact, you probably think you've got me all figured out, and have the perfect profile of me sketched in your head. You think I'm a straight-laced, buttoned-up, hair-in-a-bun, Little Miss Perfect who always does the right thing. I would never think of rocking the boat. No, no. Instead, I opt to sit in the boat prim-and-proper like, holding on tightly to that orange life jacket drapped over my shoulders. And then, I cam across this quote...

"There’s always a wild side to an innocent face." --Unknown

That's when it dawned on me: Oh, yes, boys, I do indeed have a wild side. As surprising as that may seem, I've done things and said things that seemingly fly in the face of that angelic image of me you've created in your head. What? You don't believe I've ever walked the tracks of the dark side? Perhaps these brushes with my bad side will change your mind...
I once stole a purple crayon
OK, so it was in the first grade, but that was my first taste of the evil that lurked within me. I saw it just sitting there (the crayon, not my inner evil) on my teacher's desk, all shiny and new, and honestly? Well, I just had to have it. I was practically calling my name, and who was I to deny its wishes? My parents made me return it the next day -- my subconscious probably showed it to them out of guilt -- but I know now that little crayon was the gateway into a world of badness (is that even a word?) that I never even knew existed,

I wear white after Labor Day
I know! Scandalous, isn't it? And what's even worse is that I'm not the least bit ashamed of it, either. I wear white shirts and white shorts and white socks and white polo shirts and...well, you get the idea. Let's just say I've never been one to give in to convention -- another sign that I'm a rebel.

I gamble at casinos
I think my love of casinos is starting to border on an addiction. I love the sound of the slot machines, which is my drug of choice. The way the coins clink when you put them in. The cranking sound as you pull the lever. The chug-chug-chug sound as the screen flashes. Now, I've never won much money, but for me, that's never really mattered. I'm in it for the thrill. Plain and simple. The high is downright amazing, boys.

I drink...root beer
And lots of it, of course. I can be seen with at least a few a week, and I have no intention of stopping any time soon. Sugar high, be damned!
So are you convinced? Now, I'll be honest here: I'm not proud of some of these moments. Certainly, they won't qualify for a spot in the Best Of... series of my life, but maybe they were something I needed to get out of my system. It's sort of like how everyone's tried coffee at one time or another in their life. And when you try it, you realize you either like it or you don't. There's no in-between. That, boys, is why there are two types of people in this world: coffee drinkers and non-coffee drinkers. I tried coffee. It was far too bitter for my taste. I think I'll stick with root beer. At least for while. Care to share a can, boys...? xoxo

[Photos via We Heart It]